The Cluttered Desk

I first posted these in our ezine in April 2003, and I’ve tested more of them than I probably should admit.  But remember… if you try them, you don’t know me.

• Reverse digits on students’ grades.  Wait 5 minutes and announce “Today is Backwards Day!”
• Remove legs from chairs and desks.  Comment to students about how much they have grown.
• Stop lesson every 10 minutes and pretend to have a conversation with someone on the P.A.
• Take kids outside for recess.  Make them sit down and watch you play on the monkey bars.
• Rearrange the room before school starts.  Do it again during lunch.  Do it again during P.E.
• Grade papers at your desk.  Laugh hysterically every 3^rd paper.  Moan sadly every 5^th.  On the 15^th,  you must either laugh sadly or groan hysterically.
• When children ask if they can go to the bathroom, tell them “Yes, just don’t leave the room.
• Spend the first hour of the day speaking a foreign language.  Pig-Latin counts.
• Pretend to have forgotten all of their names, call them by names of characters from “Lord of the Rings”
• Hide under the desk.  Demand that students pay a toll when turning in work.
• Read “The 3 Little Pigs.”  Cheer for the wolf.
• When counting, always leave out the number 8.
• Show up late for class.  Bring a note from your mom.
• Show up at student’s house.  Mess up their room.
• Bring blanket and pillow to school.  Take a nap while the students are reading.
• Come to school in pajamas, lay across desk, pretend to be sleeping when students arrive.  Snore.
• Load bus for field trip.  Drive to 7-11, buy yourself a Coke, return to school.
• While students are out, sharpen all of their pencils down to nubs.  Tell them the “Pencil Fairy” must have come.
• Trade places with another teacher.  Answer only to her name.
• Flip lights on and off.  Ask repeatedly why they are not working.
• Teach entire lesson facing the wrong direction.
• Go to bathroom.  Return with shirt inside-out.
• Superglue students’ pencils to their desks.
• Move clock forward 30 minutes.  Line up to go home, express worry over why the dismissal bell is not ringing.
• Call students during summer break.  Tell them you are still waiting for their homework.
• Every time a student gets out of his seat, yell “I’m telling the Principal!’ and stomp out of the room.
• With pen resting behind your ear, exclaim that someone has stolen your pen and demand to know who did it.
• Hand out worksheets 3 levels higher than your grade.  Tell them it is a review and counts as a major test grade.
• Toilet paper your own room.  Pretend not to notice it is there.
• Move all desks and chairs to the hallway.  Sit on the floor and start teaching.
• Have different children stand up at random intervals throughout the day.  Sing “Happy Birthday” to them.  Change to the Barney Song every 5^th student.
• Hot glue lockers shut.
• Sneak out to hallway.  Switch everyone’s lunches.
• Eat lunch with your students.  Complain about your lunch and ask to trade.  Keep trading until you get your lunch back.